Danger

Can you see the danger in my eyes...among other thing.

I Would Like

I would like for you to massage my feet
they really hurt today and work the kinks out of my back
I think the pains are related

I would like to sit in your arms
no need for words
and soak up your body heat as mine runs to you

I would like
just a few things
for a little while
a moment in time
a piece of you
that you are unable to give and
I dispute with myself whether i will receive.

I tend to remain silent but I'm certain you can hear the words I don't speak afterall,
I'm here,
an action without a word
that speaks volumes
My youth
in conjunction with my silence seems to fool you
into believing that I am naive
to truths
but my youth has only slightly impaired me.
It doesn't change my clear vision
I see that I am second
Second seems to be a familar place
I take a back seat
as such I am reassured that my guard is
where it belongs
as long as I am in the back
as long as I am at a distance
not where I desire to be
my guard will remain

You Know-if you truly are able read me as well as you say
you know how I feel
I don't have to say a word
I'm here
And we know,
that how I feel (how I think I feel)
doesn't change reality.

Me...TLJ

Dangerous eyes

Those eyes are dangerous.
peering into me
peering into you
speaking words left unspoken
conveying feelings locked away
Those eyes are dangerous.
They look at me in a tone of voice more distinct
than any naked ear can hear
They share the emotions
hidden deep in the depth of a heart
away from surface distractions and logical direction
those eyes...
Their mine
I close them to keep them from you
I look down to avoid the gaze
a gaze given and received it sends shivers through my spine and
causes my stomach to knott
the butterflies collide in attempts to escape
but I feel the gaze
though my eyes are shut
rather than reciprocate what isn't being said i shy away I shy away
from those dangerous eyes
Looking into them, they are mine
my dangerous eyes

I shall begin with...

This is old but forever true to my heart and who I am. Forever true to my relationships.

I can’t-allow myself to latch on to you
Although I-saw from afar and I knew before and my-
Belly keeps butterflies at the thought of you and
There is liquid excreted when I think of you
Touching me
And it can be public or privately
My inner-self reacts the same.

So anxious in my mind to move on to the
To the…to the…to move forward and have progress…
I gave back a little more and
Squirmed a little more…
Sounds came from me
And that was intimate interaction

Often I think of kissing you-making out
With you
But
What a difference face to face makes
I cannot initiate
I want you to want me and kiss me
Even though I don’t like to kiss…
You’re different
I can not give you what I’ve given you
More is given to you
Ready
Again-
To learn through you…
Things that if we aren’t
For always
It was fun, there were happy days
No problems looking you in the face

I can’t allow myself the dependency it seeks
Oh male who has captured my emotional eruption waiting to erupt
You can not enter me but apparently
Mind and body did not agree
Because you have been told to proceed and
Have made strides tho there are strides left
I’m ready to sweat.

I should play it cool, take it slow
This “we” thing is not
Defined, has not been labeled
Or enclosed
On the other had how significant is the Verbal-
Expression that is
I mean, actions speak louder than words and
Your actions are
“I care”
But,
My paranoia will not retreat
I can’t allow you to enter me
Or to give me the dependency I seek
Or latch on to you-simply kiss your luscious lips but
I want to
And what would it change
If you knew?

Your patience and wisdom fill me and cause me to mourn because
Oh how I desire you, to have all of you and
Be good in girlfriend mode-
Sig-ni-fi-cant other
Mode,
Not just other
Or fling and
I can’t see what I see when we are separate
Because it looks different when we are up close or at a distance but together
You say I’m not ready, exert control
Learn your body and comfort zones
But
There is only so much I can learn alone-
My experience has built a shield
It keeps strong emotions out
Fear and caution in
I’m already broken
No longer seeking repair but
Understanding, contentment
Love and care

The knowledge I have enables me to know
That laying down with you
Will bring minute growth
The package is greater than a
Loss of this
Gain of that
I must connect the dots
And color the grey areas
Take criticism constructively
Look hard at what I don’t want to see
Such as
What will sex change and why do I feel the way I do-
Really, why did I pick you?
Lack of communication places us in different mind frames
My emotions a glass cage on the verge of breaking
My heart is shutting down, moving out-

Sharp as a razor
Your words cut me
I can’t dismiss them or forget what they imply
Inside I cry
For the pain, the injury you cause
No quick response presents itself
No witty comeback, I’ve been outdone
But, I can’t let go
Walk away or object
This growth hurts
It feels as if what has gone around is coming back
I’m reaping what I’ve sown
And how to break the cycle
Remains unknown.